I feel it’s healthy to get your feelings out on paper, or as we call it in 2017- a blog.  

This post isn’t about my recollection of events, trauma, fear, anger, or any hardship I’ve endured or seen my friends endured. I feel the need to let this out because it’s difficult to comprehend how a tragic/traumatic event affects everyone differently. This was my first time driving past the venue, past Mandalay Bay, and on that side of the city since the event. A wave of emotions hit me and reminded me that this was not a nightmare. 


All that said, yes I’ve experienced every negative emotion in the book. But there are two positive ones i never expected to feel:


Lets start with pride...  

Growing up in Las Vegas, you always talked about the day you left Vegas. It never felt like home. I always imagined home being somewhere else, distant, suburban of course- just not Las Vegas.  


After October 1st, I told myself for the first time:


My people, my neighbors. I’m proud to call this city home. I’m proud of the good and selflessness that poured out. There’s more good than bad. There’s a community of people that genuinely care for each other. That is something I’ve never felt. I AM part of something.  


Second emotion...


How can anyone choose hate? That’s the hardest thing for me to understand. How can people hold so much negativity in their hearts or consciously project hate and fearmongering? Why would you want a world of evil? 

It blows my mind.  


I choose love. 100% of the time.  


I want to be better.

I want to teach my daughter better. I want to set an example and be a positive contribution to society. I want to influence my circle of friends to do and be better.  I couldn't help but hug my daughter close while walking through here. I whispered I love you numerous times because I know she's my purpose. 


After visiting the sign 4 weeks after the tragedy, I learned how strong, yet scared I still am. I realized how grateful I am to be able to hug my daughter each night, but at the same time devastated for those that had that option stripped from them. But most importantly, I was reassured that those of us who made it, have a bigger plan. To set a good example, love wholeheartedly, and live intentionally.  


In loving memory of the 58: 

Charleston Hartfield, 34, Las Vegas

Brett Schwanbeck, 61, Bullhead City, Ariz.

Austin Meyer, 24, Reno

Pati Mestas, 67, Menifee, California

Nicol Kimura, 38, Placentia, California

Christopher Hazencomb, 44, Camarillo, California

Andrea Castilla, 28, Huntington Beach, California

Carly Kreibaum, 33, Sutherland, Iowa

Steve Berger, 44, Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Brian Fraser, 39, Walnut, California

Derrick "Bo" Taylor, 56, Oxnard, California

Denise Cohen, 58, Carpinteria, California

Christiana Duarte, 22, Torrance, California

Candice Bowers, 40, Garden Grove, California

Lisa Patterson, 46, Rancho Palos Verdes, California

Rocio Guillen Rocha, 40, Eastvale, California

Jordyn Rivera, 21, San Bernardino, California

Austin Davis, 29, Riverside, California

Laura Shipp, 50, Thousand Oaks, California

Keri Galvan, 51, Thousand Oaks, California

Tara Roe Smith, 34, Okotoks, Alberta, Canada

Calla Medig, 28, Jasper, Alberta, Canada

Carrie Parsons, 31, Seattle, Washington

Cameron Robinson, 28, St. George, Utah

Michelle Vo, 32, Los Angeles, California

Brennan Stewart, 30, Las Vegas

Erick Silva, 21, Las Vegas

Dorene Anderson, 49, Anchorage, Alaska

Heather Alvarado, 35, Enoch, Utah

Hannah Ahlers, 34, Beaumont, California

Stacee Etcheber, 50, Novato, California

Christopher Roybal, 28, Denver, Colorado

Victor Link, 55, San Clemente, California

Melissa Ramirez, 26, Bakersfield, California

Kelsey Meadows, 28, Taft, California

Dana Gardner, 52, Grand Terrace, California

Bill Wolfe, Jr., 42, Shippensburg, Pennsylvania

Carrie Barnette, 34, Garden Grove, California

Thomas Day Jr., 54, Corona, California

Jennifer Parks, 36, Lancaster, California

Kurt Von Tillow, 55, Cameron Park, California

Jack Beaton, 54, Bakersfield, California

Denise Burditus, 50, Martinsburg, West Virginia

Sandy Casey, 35, Redondo Beach, California

Angie Gomez, 20, Riverside, California

Jennifer Irvine, 42, San Diego

Jessica Klymchuk, 34, Valleyview, Alberta, Canada

Rhonda LeRocque, 42, Tewksbury, Massachusetts

Jordan McIldoon, 23, Maple Ridge, British Columbia, Canada

Sonny Melton, 29, Paris, Tennessee

Adrian Murfitt, 35, Anchorage, Alaska

Rachel Parker, 33, Manhattan Beach, California

John Phippen, 57, Valencia, California

Quintin Robbins, 20, Henderson

Lisa Romero-Muniz, 48, Gallup, New Mexico

Bailey Schweitzer, 20, Bakersfield, California

Susan Smith, 53, Simi Valley, California

Neysa Tonks, 46, Las Vegas

Nachely MartinezComment